Want You So Bad
by Cherrysinger
Summary: They want each other. You can see it in their eyes every time. It makes you sick, just watching them get eaten up by their longing. Only question is, what the HELL is holding them back?
1. Chapter 1

**Want You So Bad**

**By: Cherrysinger**

Disclaimer: Nope, not owned by me, nothing.

Chapter One: Prologue

She shivered, breath hitching.

If she were in another time, maybe even as another person, she would almost be amused at her predicament. She was pushed up against a wall in an alleyway with a man right before her, hands slammed to either side of her head, so close that their warm bodies almost touched. Almost.

Oh but how she wanted to feel his touch, to close her eyes to his lips pressed to hers, to have his fingertips combing through her hair and the other stroking her back.

They were so close that it hurt. She could count the number of strands in his hair…she wanted to touch them. Were they as soft as she had imagined? But it was forbidden. They could not do this.

Was it love she was feeling? What was it? To tingle every time you saw _him, _every time you brushed past him, only to stare at him with a lingering look as he walked away. To sting so much, knowing it could never be. To know you had to turn away, eventually.

Quietly, fearfully, she glanced up, into his beautiful honey-chocolate eyes. Those eyes that always danced, sparkling with something hidden.

"...I'm so, so sorry…" he whispered, cupping her cheek with one hand. And before she could comprehend his words properly, feather light lips met hers, started moving against hers. They were so soft, as if afraid she might break, and this only broke her heart even more.

She couldn't think anymore, and slowly, she parted her lips and responded, bringing her arms up around his neck while his wrapped around her waist, pulling her flush against him. He was so warm...

Then she suddenly realized where she was, who she was with, and what she was doing. Shame came over her like a wave and she turned her head away, face flushed as she pushed him back.

"I-I can't do this. I'm sorry…but I can't--w-we can't,"she stuttered, turning away from him. She didn't want to see the look in his eyes.

She stumbled past him, running for all she was worth, blindly, as the tears flew behind her and the wind slapped her hair across her face. But she didn't care.

None of it mattered anymore.

-

A man, with his eyes shaded by bangs, leaned against the wall behind him, watching the woman he had just held run away from him.

He stared despondedly at the floor, a taunting voice whispering in his mind. You can never have her, nowcan you?

He laughed softly. The choked sound echoed back to him.

_I don't want to give you up.I found you. You're not running away from me, not again..._

But…he guessed, this was the way it was going to be, huh? Why did his happiness cause him so much pain?

Her words echoed in his head. He pressed a finger to the lips that had kissed hers, already feeling the familiar heat travelling through him.

_Soft…_he thought.

-

A/N: HEY! This is my shabby try at romance. Hmm, I've had this idea for awhile now, but I haven't had the inspiration to take it up. But then…the words just flew onto the screen one day. Um, I actually quite like what I came up with, but that's just my opinion. Eh…sorry it's short! But it's only a prologue.

**Updates: **Oh my freaking god...this website always screws up the text...some of it is all bunched together! I'm tired of going back and correcting it. cough Okay, you all must be wondering why I haven't updated in so long. Well I got preoccupied with fictionpress . com, you could say...but I'm back now! I edited this chapter of all the stuff that I didn't like (I don't know what possessed me to write that horrible stuff) and now I'm going to try and work on chapter one. Hopefully I'll update soon and regularly from now on, hey? Atleast for the summer...heheh...but you know how exams and homework are.

Please R&R! Suggestions are welcome, but no flames (constructive criticism is alright though).


	2. Letting Go

_**-**Sunday, July 2, 2006_

Chapter One: Letting Go

A man tucked his hands into the pockets of his jeans, rushing past the crowd lounging around the electronics store. He grimaced, a feeling of unease settling into the pit of his stomach. Walking faster, he stopped in front of a street sign, and looked at a crinkled piece of paper.

Great...just great. He was officially lost.

Sighing and at the same time cursing himself, he backtracked to the electronics store.

"Excuse me?" he asked a redhead politely.

Slightly irked when she didn't pay him any attention, he said louder, "Excuse me?"

She started screaming, England had scored apparently. His face twitched in an effort not to let his annoyance show.

"_Excuse me,"_ he snapped a final time, to no avail. He ran a hand through his dark hair, frustrated. What was with people these days...

"Uh..." someone coughed. He turned around, annoyed. But he quickly stopped.

A girl stood there, a sheepish half-smile lighting her features. Her light brown hair, the color of cinnamon, was tucked behind an ear, her hand pausing slightly over it. He watched, almost fascinated, as the hand dropped awkwardly to her side.

Nice hands...

He shook himself. What was he thinking? He brought his eyes up to meet hers. Green eyes. Jade-colored. He caught himself just in time from staring at her.He'd seen a lot of girls before, and some of them were actually more beautiful than the person before him, so it was nothing to get worked up about. God, he _was_ staring. He looked away.

"Yeah?" he muttered. Without looking he knew she was taken aback.

"...Well I just wanted to let you know that the girl you were talking to is deaf, so good luck trying to talk to her," she said in a now-flat voice. He winced at the tone.

"I..." he started.

"Save it, you don't have to." she cut in.

"Look, sorry, I'm just," he paused helplessly, bringing his gaze back up to meet hers, "I'm late, lost, and I need help."

Slowly, she seemed to soften. Then she smiled, and he had to stop himself from doing a double-take.

"Oh, I see. Tourist huh?"

"Something like that," Far from it."Well since your friend can't help me, do you know where Lorent Drive is?"

"Actually, you're in luck, it isn't that far from here. Just go straight, turn right over there, and then another right, then a left and you should be on it." she replied, pointing down the road.

He blew out a breath.

"Thanks," he smiled slightly at her. Something strange flashed in her eyes, before it disappeared.

"Well, welcome to New York. I don't see why you're walking, this isn't exactly the best place to do that, but it isn't my business,"

"Oh. That. I'm sort of...broke, after I paid a cab to take me here." he told her, but then he remembered, looking back down at his watch. "Shit!" he blurted. Not bothering to apologize or even see the girl's reaction, he turned and started sprinting away.

"Wait!" she called out from behind him. He whipped around, impatience lining his move.

"What is it?"

"What's your name?" she yelled, still standing there in front of the store, jade eyes wide.

He paused. But he didn't have the time to puzzle over the pretty girl he had asked directions from.

"Syaoran," he answered.

"I'm Sakura...maybe see you around some time, Syaoran?" He was finding her kind of annoying. He had the urge to tell her that the chance of them seeing each other again in this city were pretty much zero, but something held him back. Maybe it was the way she stood, or the way she said his name, but he found himself saying back,

"Why not?"

But he figured the smile that practically split her face was worth it.

-

A few minutes later, he found himself in front of a small, but quaint house. He took in the deep blue shutters and clean black shingles, and even the wooden porch, which was rare in New York. All the house needed were immaculate white walls and it would be the Little House on the Prairie come to life.

But then the reason he had come to this house in the first place crashed back to him, and he pushed Sakura from his mind completely. He hesitated, lingering in front of the house as doubt and fear entered his mind. What if...? No, he was better than that. He wouldn't let something like this intimidate him.

Steeling himself, he made his way up the driveway.

He rang the doorbell–

The door flew open, leaving Syaoran blinking stupidly, his hand still poised.

"SYAORAN LI!" a voice screeched, and a hand clenched around his ear painfully. He abruptly wrenched out of the woman's grasp, taking a step back for good measure. He grumbled loudly,

"I'm_ here_ aren't I? I'm kind of late, but I'm still here. No need to yell at me."

Blue eyes locked with his sternly.

"And just where have you been?"

"I got lost."

"You could have taken a cab," she retorted.

"I didn't have any money left." he said pointedly.

"I–" she stopped. The woman rolled her eyes and gave up, it was useless.

"Alright, alright. Just come in," she opened the door wider. Syaoran gave an exasperated look, but at the same time welcoming the familiar frizz of gray hair and the short, bustling frame. She saw his look and puffed out a breath,

"Well, what are you doing? Take a look, get used to it,"

Shaking his head, Syaoran glanced around. The first thing he noticed was that the house was quite modern compared to its outside appearance. The walls were painted a light, powdery blue and the floor was a light wooden color, the middle of it covered with a rug. There was a small staircase descending from the upper level, where there was a sort of balcony structure overlooking where they were.

He'd have to get used to it.

"Over here, come meet them!"

Swallowing and pushing down the queasiness, he entered the living room.

Sitting on the couch were a middle-aged man and woman, smiling anxiously.

"You're...?" the woman with gray eyes questioned, unsure. She was staring at him.

"Yeah. Mr. and Mrs. Lorentz?" he nodded his head, not liking the staring.

"Just call me Tracy, and my husband here is Luke. Don't worry, he's just nervous so he's not speaking,"

She was still staring. He had to stop himself from gritting his teeth. This early, and something already bugged him.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence.

"So, what's your name dear?"

"Syaoran..." he said slowly, scrutinizing their expressions. Something was off.

"You're Japanese, then?" she asked again.

"Um, yeah as far as I know. I think I'm part white from somewhere way back though,"

"Funny, I thought you looked more Chinese," the man, Luke, finally spoke, looking over Syaoran's tousled brown hair and light brown eyes, then his jeans, red shirt and Vans.

How could the man tell the difference between Chinese and Japanese?

"Well I'm not." He told them cooly. Tracy seemed to sense this, and looked over to her husband.

"Alright," the husband finally conceded after a while, "Sorry, I was just hoping that you were. I'm Chinese, so I hoped that I could speak my own language to someone, seeing as Tracy doesn't know an ounce of Mandarin,"

Tracy swatted her husband's shoulder.

Syaoran accepted this, it was worked. But something was still odd about the two people sitting on the couch. He ignored it for the moment, but he was growing tired of having to judge their every move.

"Actually, I can speak Mandarin," he interrupted their squabble. Luke froze and adopted a peculiar look.

"And how do you know this if you're Japanese?"

"I learned it from somewhere," Like I'd tell you.

"Oh," the man seemed to digest this information, but he didn't push it, "That's great then. We can confuse my wife together,"

Tracy crossed her arms and groaned playfully.

"Why don't you sit down?" Tracy turned to him suddenly, gesturing to the love seat. He _was _tired, he realized as he sank into the soft cushions.

Lucinda, who had remained quiet throughout the whole exchange, finally spoke,

"I think I'll be going now. You have no use for me anymore," she smiled fondly at Syaoran before heading to the front door.

Syaoran leaped up, heart racing and fatigue forgotten as he followed her. He stopped at the front door, putting a hand on the frame and gazing at her helplessly.

"You're just going to leave? Just like that?"

The woman sighed, patting his arm.

"You're a big boy. You can take care of yourself, and it's about time I let you go. You can send letters to me anytime, or you could come visit if they let you,"

"But I could go with you. I don't see why I have to leave, everything was fine before," Syaoran pleaded, or as close to pleading as he would ever get, his light eyes pained.

Lucinda looked at him at that moment, and, not for the first time, turned over the fact that no matter how much people thought he was a pillar of strength, you know, the strong, silent type, Syaoran really wasn't. He was brave, and got over obstacles, and he was strong to do that, but that didn't make him a pillar of strength. She grew sad, and then she murmured,

"Do you think this is easy for me?"

He captured her hands.

"Then take me with you,"

She gently disentangled herself.

"I can't. You know as well as I that you're too old to be at the orphanage. And you know that I already kept you there for longer than I was supposed to. You've just turned 17, for chrissakes! Almost an adult! I stretched the time as long as I could, but even I don't have that much power. I already pushed it when I came with you to meet your foster parents. I still don't understand why you refused those other adoption offers, you could've had a much better life."

"I want to keep my last name. I don't know why, but it's just something I have to do. And...I didn't want to leave you Lucinda. You're, well, you're the only person I ever really bothered to get to know," Syaoran said awkwardly, looking down. Lucinda couldn't help but grin softly, knowing that she really was the only person he allowed to see this side of him.

"I know. But you've got to move on. You can't go on clinging to me for your entire life," at the indignant expression on his face she rolled her eyes, a habit she had the misfortune of having, "You know it's true, boy. Go on, live your life. Old people like me will only drag you down–you're young and I'd hate for you to waste that. Never waste it, you hear?" she voiced sternly. Syaoran was silent.

"Well?" She prodded him.

"Fine," he said darkly.

"Oh, stop sulking. I'll visit, ok? And get yourself a girlfriend, you need one."

Syaoran's mouth dropped slightly, a shock and embarrassment taking over his eyes.

"Goodbye, Syaoran," she hugged him briefly, and before he could react she opened the door and ran out, hailing a cab on the way.

Syaoran gazed after her, a lost feeling spreading through him.

But just as quickly as it came, a picture of Sakura popped into his mind. He remembered how she looked when she had called after him, still standing in front of the store with wind blowing her hair back. She was disheveled and her hair was tangled, but to him, she looked perfect.

Great. Now Lucinda had made him think things he probably shouldn't have been thinking.

But, Sakura, even as much as he resented the idea, was a sign that he was already letting go.

-

A/N **PLEASE READ THIS: **You may skip all the author's notes for the rest of this story if you wish, but please have the decency to read this one. Well, with that said...

Oh, yes! I am BACK baby! Lol...and yes, I know I've disappointed a lot of you because I haven't updated in so long. And I'm really sorry! I disappointed myself too, and I wouldn't be surprised if you guys have already forgotten about this stupid story. But school doesn't serve as much of an inspiration. It just drains you -groan-. But I have so much free time in my hands now that it's summer, so here I am again! Hope you like it. Only a day after I said I had returned to fictionpress . Com (for those that are confused, look to the prologue, author's note at the end of the chapter)

And, well, you have no idea how long I've worked my butt off on this thing. It's 10:20PM and I've worked literally 8 hours straight on this piece of crap. So you better enjoy it or else! I actually balked at the original plot I had for this story, and considering that I lost the work I actually did for this story using that plot, I'm actually glad. I have a whole new plot and I have to say I like it a _whole _lot better! So with my new plot in mind, I will change one of the genres for this story. That may give you a clue as to what's going to happen. Ah, well. I'll give away some of the story, but bleh it's fine.

Expect huge surprises in terms of plot. It's not as simple as you may think it is. You have _no _idea. Heheh. Betcha didn't expect something like this as the first chapter did you? It's very, very different from the prologue, and the summary of the story. Then again the summary doesn't give away much. And that's what I love about it -wink- No, really, the prologue actually is only a part of it. It's not part of the really large picture, actually. That sucks since I was planning for it to be, but I guess everything doesn't work out. Um, I hope this chapter was alright by the way. Tell me what you think? I like the idea, but I'm not sure if I portrayed it very well...

OH, and yeah, before you pummel me for not having much of a S/S moment, I meant for it to be like that. They're only meant to meet briefly for this chapter, and they can't exactly molest each other after meeting, heheh. Ok, I was exaggerating but you get my drift, I hope?

And, **would you like chapter two to be in Sakura's or Syaoran's point of view? **I've already gotten in some of Syaoran's pont of view (I love how I've painted his character out to be, it's very...him), so I was wondering do you want more of it, or would you like Sakura to have a go at it? I could make it work into my plot both ways.

Okay! I KNOW you're all killing me for this huge author's note, but I did a long chapter for you! I busted my brain doing it, and with my absence I have a lot to say. OKAY, even with me being butt-tired as it is, here are review replies:D

**Replies:**

Sunel: Glad you're intrigued, I hope I meet up with your expectations with this chapter! It isn't something you expected, was it? Well, that was what I wanted, but I hope you like it anyway, despite it being different. Please keep reading! Hope you didn't forget about me :(

Mioki: Thanks, glad you think it's interesting! Hope you didn't forget about this story, and, well, now you get a taste of where it's going. Keep R&R

Boba: Thanks for the advice. I went back and corrected the adjectives thing, and I realized you're right. I cringed at some parts to the prologue. Ew. I don't know what I was thinking. But thanks for making me realize that! Keep reviewing!

LupineLightning-IllusionDragon: My old friend. Yeah, I know I seem to have appeared from out of nowhere and came back to the world, but please forgive me! My email wasn't working for the longest time and you have no idea how much school was stressing me out. My grades went down and when I finally got them up again I was so drained. I also got obsessed with fictionpress . Com too...you know me :D. I hope you didn't forget about this story...and you can start emailing me again. I want to talk to you, I missed that. So the direction of this story probably didn't turn out the way you thought it would be, but that's the beauty of it, my friend, the beauty of it! So please keep R&R I always appreciate your reviews.

PinkCh3rryBlossom: THANKS SO MUCH! Fav's list, wow. I loved your review. Made me all warm inside, believe me. Keep R&R you awesome girl!

Luna-starz101: But why can't they be together? Hmmm...-strokes chin- now where's the answer to that question? Heheh...I'm not going to tell you because that'll give away all my devious planning (ok, laugh all you want, but it was devious). Hope you didn't forget about me in my tardiness...keep reading and reviewing!

Czakali: Where's it going? Maybe you have some idea of it now, although I really didn't give away all that much. There's so much more you don't know, heheh. Which is good. I love keeping you wondering! Please say you didn't forget about me. Keep reading.

Pinaygrrl: Yes, it is sad. That's what I wanted. I love your reviews, by the way. Hope you didn't forget about me...please keep reviewing!

MinChixD: You want to know? Well you'll just have to wait since I didn't reveal too much in this chapter, actually. And how do you do that cool heart thing? You gotta teach me that. Keep R&R!

Wind and Flame: Thanks. I need a good, solid opinion from someone who seems to know what they're talking about a.k.a. you. Lol. Please keep reading!

LadyAkina: Heyy, I remember you! And thanks for being considerate enough to think of offering me ideas, when I read that review I was touched. I'm curious to hear your ideas and thoughts as to this chapter, since a lot of the plot I didn't give away. But maybe look to the genre and notice I changed it. Could give you a clue. Keep R&R!

Tella: Thanks for accepting my apology! Even if maybe you won't read this, thanks for reviewing and giving your oppinion.

Pink Babie: A short review. -sighs- Sweet, and I still love it. Hey, please R&R and this time could I have some thoughts about the story to go along with it? I'm just the kind of person who loves that type of stuff. Keep reviewing (I hope! -crosses fingers-)

Nina: Your reply is above, girl! You know who you are -wink-

-Lang-Fa: Yeah, I'm not great at climaxes. But I'm getting better, I learned a lot in the time I was absent. I'm pinning all my hopes on this story! And Changed...-sighs- god, what a mess. I love that story, and I like the idea of it (even though it's so cliche), but I don't think I wrote it very well at all. I didn't really plan it, and to be honest, I totally forgot what I was going to do with it. I know I had some sort of complicated thing going on, but I can't remember anything past the point of the almost-rape. Yes, almost-rape. Between me and you, he doesn't rape her in the end. I think you deserve to know that much as I really don't know when I'll get back to that story. I'm so, so sorry! I know how bad it feels when an author doesn't update for a really long time. Believe me, I get so unbelievably mad. Anyway, just read this story? Please? I like it better than Changed by a long shot. Keep R&R!

A SinFul Tragedy: Thanks! I didn't update soon, but eh...I already feel guilty enough? -sweatdrop- But believe me, I worked the hardest on this chapter then I've ever on any chapter. Keep R&R!

-Trai Tim Thien Than V3 Angel Heart-: You have no idea how unbelievably flattered I am. Thanks so much! Yup, it _is _a try since I've tended to stray from these kinds of things before. The romance here will be deeper than I've ever written before, so...Hope you liked this chapter. Not what you expected? Well, that's what I wanted anyway. Keep R&R! Love your review!

OK! So I went through the torture of replying to ALL of you...yes ALL of you. Which is something I never do! But I feel so incredibly guilty for not updating for half a year that I did a long chapter, coupled with replying to all of you. (It is now 10:55PM for your information, like thirty minutes later -huffs- ;p)

One more thing before I go..please R&R! No flames, but constructive criticism is welcome as usual. And I would really like to hear your thoughts on this story, I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff in a review. Expect a long response back if you do that. I'm the type to give long reviews so I really love it when someone does that in return.


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